i was born on JULY :)

JULY BABY

 

Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. spazzy at times. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover. 

TRUE. isn't it??

the only exception: Brielle

"Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you gotta get" 

Since the day i have watched Forrest Gump, these words became my words. From the moment i realized it was right, things became clear. Throughout my life, unexpected things keep on happening. And this one is something i never thought i could ever experience.

October of 2011, regular shift on our office had new trainees for the position of graphic designer/website designer. It is unlikely new to us, but what caught my attention was the newest trainee. The smallest of the group, someone who doesn't seem to talk much, different and someone i never thought I'll get close with. And honestly, i had my first impression as the basis of having what is used to think about "her".

Since the day i was born, i haven't much time getting involve with lesbians, i doesn't even have a single friend of their kind, that's why when first saw this new trainee, i instantly doesn't paid much attention to her. Don't get me wrong, i have nothing against them, its just that i was just too busy lurking myself with boys and gays are usually the friends i choose to have.

Fool Again :/

i was a fool.. 

then i became a fool again..

how stupid i was.

to believe in all these lies

i thought i was strong

yet you came along

without knowing why

you made me confused

with words i thought was real

now weakness had caught me

though i refused to let it in

tell myself

i must be strong again..

now i know

why believing is hard

why doubt is enough

for me to trust my instinct.

i was wrong

or i was paranoid

i don't know.

guess i must take it slow

think before i go beyond

think before i let you go.

Who's Faking It??

 I've changed, i noticed that

With no reason, without a doubt

I don't know how, I can't tell why

Should i let it win?

Should i let it go?

What else can i do, it's all over my system?

I was so weak, I was in vain

then something came, i became so strong

i learned to hide, i learned to fake

Just to be brave when someone is in pain.

If I Die Young :)

 Since we are celebrating this special day to remember those people whom left us in this world with or without a word, a topic came into my mind. I remember the song "When I Die Young" and i decided to write my own will. Its not that i am expecting death, i just think that this one is a good topic right now..

Life is a Mess: Crab Mentality

 This piece just came into my mind while i  was so disgusted with some events happening right now. I just want to speak it loud so i can let it go away then  let myself free..

Life is a Mess: Crab Mentality

Life is amess

you need to clean it by yourself

full of envious people everywhere

whom you thought was your family.

Cleanin' Out my Grandpa's Nest :)

This is what happens when November 1 is about to come. We visits the cemetery, cleans the place of our beloved someone who passed away and stays before November 2 arrives.

As for me, every year i always visit the place of my grandfather. I love him this much, that's why even in cleaning his place, i did it without thinking how tiring it would be. My grandparents have six children, 13 grandchildren. But knowing this family is going through some moments. Moments, events i can't explain.

Anyway, yesterday, me, my brother and sister along with my grandam went to the cemetery for an early cleaning. The place was so filthy with dust and dead leaves everywhere. I started cleaning the upper part which is the celing and my brother cleaned the side part of me.

See? We were so busy, we didn't even noticed that my younger sister is taking up some photos of us while cleaning. Can you believe a petite young lady like me can do this job for almost five hours? Tiring isn't it? im STROOOOONG!! :))

Before 25??

            Today, i attended a 75th birthday celebration of our neighborhood. I barely know the visitors for almost all of them were senior citizens. But while i was watching them taking photos, dancing with the birthday celebrant and sending her their love and appreciation, one thing came into my mind. Will me and my friends stay this close when i am 75 years old? Will my friends on high school be there on my 80th birthday? Or will my friends at present time still be there to tell me how much the appreciates my whole being when i am 85? Funny as i i let mys mind wander on a future that is so close into decades. But happy when i realized that maybe, just maybe, some of them will still be there.

Long lost love?

Five long years. Five long years of not seeing him. I am still single and already 27 years old. I had suitors, but i just can't pick.

Matindi ang sikat ng araw. In October! Can you believe that? Ang panahon nga naman sa Pinas, napakagulo. Parang mga pusong ligaw, ang gulo-gulo. I was on my way papunta sa mall, galing akong work kaya naglalakad lang ako. Malapit lang naman kasi ang Ortigas sa SM Megamall eh.

Haba ng pila sa entrance. Ay! Mega sale nga pala kasi at payday pa. Buti pa sila! Taliwas kasi ang sahod namin sa mga sale's day. Pero may kaperahan pa naman ako kaya keri pa rin. I hate shopping alone. And worst, eating alone. Para kong loner talga na kakababa lang ng bundok. At least maganda ang outfit ko this day.

So what if i am still SINGLE?

Twenty-one years. Twenty-one years and i am still single. Not a single month or year in my life that i spent with such "special someone". But i do know what is love. I know how it feels not to be loved, to be taken for granted or to be ditched by that person whom you truly loved.

Twenty-one years, Christmas is about to come and still i belong to a group we called "SMP", Samahan ng Malalamig ang Pasko. I don't know why everybody is so concerned about me being a single lady, it's unlikely that i am the only one in this world that is loveless. Well, yeah, somewhat its true. :)

I never had a boyfriend. And that is the truth. Before, i feel like something is wrong with me because there are no guys i've known that was into me. But as i grew up and become more matured, i began to understand everything. Being a single is being unique. Being a single is being strong. And being a single is fun.

Untitled

Times like this seems never to last
When every emotion to have is only confusion and being afraid
Afraid on what's going to happen next
Afraid that it might be the last.

Times like this, i always seem to panic
But i can't help it
this heart of mine is not strong enough
to bear this fear that lived in my soul
from the longest time i can't even tell when.

Since i was a little
this fear grew into huge pieces
Yet i can't yell,
yet i can't tell
its only I who knew this all along
that i am a scary little girl
with no hand to hold.

Now that i am a lady
smart enough to say things i wanna say
i can't still stand on my own
only fear comes along my way.

i don't know what to do
think of positivity is not worth trying for
negative things also fell back
with this life of mine
I don't know where  to go.

My Lolo and Lola's Unconditional Love

Me when I was a kid with my grandparents :)

Today, we are celebrating Grandparent's Day. And because of that, i decided to write something about them. I am not really that close to my family but we do a lot of things together, we do fun memories and though we are not as showy as others', i know we love each others.

Its hard for me to talk about my family because of the set-up i had to grew up with. The only thing I know is that I am my Lolo's favorite apo and my lola loves me so much, she has to do things for me without any demand.

I know they will not able to read this but i am hoping they can feel my silent love as a greatest love an apo can ever give to any grandparents (gosh, i feel like crying).

All my life I have been living with my lola, we call her Lola Piling. She was the kind of lola that is so strict when it comes to spending my days away from home, gala-gala or overnights (or only with me), sometimes she become bad-tempered and hates everybody on our house, she loves playing Bingo and God knows how kind she is. Too kind for her children to easily over-power her. I may not able to say it but i am proud to say that I am her granddaughter. 

If you're in her position, what will you do?

I don't know if I can tell this case, but who cares right? A close friend of mine is into severe thinking about her life and barely needs a smart solution. I don't know either what to tell her for whatever she has to do, it will lead to two possible things; either she will succeed or she will be haunted.

So here's the cue:

My friend is currently working for months in a company-that-must-not-be-named and experiencing some not quite the right way of labor. Why? How? Listed below is the problem...

◄ delayed salary for about five or more days

► no benefits ( no SSS or PhilHealth)

◄ 10 hours of work from Monday to Friday without salary increase

◄ Cash Bond to be given after her two year contract which has been deducted from her 6 months salary

► very strict authority

◄ low salary

For now, that is only the demand she's been talking since she worked on that company-that-must-not-be-named. And she, I and my friends are wondering what she will do. Waiting for two years is really long, and some good things might happen. But, can she surpass the problems that she will get after breaching her contract? Will an AWOL worth it (cause resigning is not really allowed, as she said).?

Our friends, from the very start told her to step out of that company because there far better companies out there. But if you were on her position, what will you do?

Where can her final decision lead her?

Thank you guys for giving an opinion. My friend will surely appreciate it.  :)

♥lady bhadz

Fireworks: My Life's Medicine

I can't think of a better title. I just witness a fireworks display from our little Barangay's Fiesta celebration. I don't know why, but every time i saw those beautiful different colors of light way up in the sky, i feel relieved. I feel so happy, so careless and free. All my problems are gone instantly.

It happened last two years ago, when i realized how beautiful fireworks are. Seeing them in the sky with those shining stars are magnificent in no other description. Those colorful dots lingers on my iris quite telling me that there are still amazing things happening behind these conflicts on my life.

Muntik na kitang minahal..

I don't know why.. I came into this song.. *sigh* With no particular person.. I dedicate this song :(

♥lady bhadz

Go Away Sadness

August 24, 2011
Wednesday

I really feel so sad today. 

I feel so weak.

I feel like I don't want to move. 

I don't know why.

I went to Mercury Drug to buy dark chocolate, 

I haven't found my favorite chocolate.

I thought, a piece of chocolate 

would ease away this emotion.

I really feel so sad.

I can't say no more.

What to do?

What to think?

What to say?

Nothing but *sigh*.

I just feel like writing.

Say everything i have inside.

But only one word to explain this.

I am totally SAD. :(

♥lady bhadz

I Need To Pee

Whenever we feel frightened, excited or exaggerated happiness, we suddenly feel the rush to use John. The line “I need to pee” is one of the famous lines Forrest Gump has ever had. Actually, for me it is more like a scapegoat. Especially when we try to avoid something, like a question or events.

I need to pee! I almost blurted those lines when I got trapped in a heavy traffic on my way to work. Of course I couldn’t just do that because I am in a public vehicle. I am not that special to ask them to stop and let me pee for a while. Too close to impossible. But what else can I do? I am wiggling like a teenager who just saw her crush smiling at her. Gladly we started moving.

Maria Aragon on the Bottomline

“I’m just a girl who wants to sing.”

- Maria Aragon

I am not really a fan of this Youtube sensation, Maria Aragon, but I am hearing her name for the past few months. Me and my officemates even had an argument about who sung the theme song of the movie “Way Back Home”, either Maria Aragon or Angeline Quinto. I haven’t even seen this young lady’s picture out of nowhere until tonight.

Banana Split was done and Bottomline is to follow. Without any idea that their guest is going to be Maria Aragon. I got curious and watched the whole show. By the time Tito Boy started asking her questions I was surprised on how this eleven year old young lady answers the questions knowingly. I watched carefully and by that time I liked her instantly.

Writings on my Mind

Every day, when I wake up, I take a bath and there goes my head again. Spinning and thinking and writing on its own little way. I’ve got plenty of things to say. Plenty of stories to write. Plenty of experience to share. But I don’t know, it is like a hobby of mine to just think of those things and never let them published.

Yesterday, I was thinking of writing a very cool story about being an idiot inspired by the book I am reading; Forrest Gump.  And guess what, inside my mind, the concept is very clear. I had started my first paragraph, then again.. Poof! I can’t say anything no more. It’s always the beginning of the story. I can’t stand on how I would end it.

101 Definition of One’s Self

Who are you? What are you? Who do you think you are? Can you really tell people that you are who you think you are? It’s plain to say that it is an easy job, I can say I am friendly, I am naughty or simply… I am ME.

But who am I? Am I faking myself or this is really me? A fair question that comes to each and every one of us. Which lead me to write a 101 Definition on One’s Self.

Any of us can be…

1. Friendly.

2. Snob.

3. Kind.

4. Fake.

Songs That Will Make You Remember Your First Love

Silly but I consider myself as an “NBSB” or commonly known as someone who is No Boyfriend Since Birth type of person at the age of twenty-one. Yeah, you would be wondering why, and to tell you the truth I really don’t know why.  

I was just like any teenage young ladies; friendly, loud, kind, witty and full of dreams. And like them, I also had my first love.  Well, actually I was not quite sure if that was my first love knowing that it was a one sided love.

Anyway, I feel like sharing these songs that makes me tingle while listening because it reminds me of how I acted when I was in love. Somewhat the feeling is like butterflies are circling on my stomach, and memories of us lingers on my mind.

Go Away by Playful Kiss

Hi guys!! Please review this video.. It was a project of my best friend, Hazel on one of their major subjects.. They need viewers.. 

The story is about a Korean song entitled "Go Away" sung by

2N1.. Its about a couple that broke up and somehow made the girl's life miserable.. Watch it now and enjoy. :)

A Facebook Love Story

This is the love story of my best friend Joanne (again) and his boyfriend, Jeric. Hope you'll enjoy this video. If you're not a Filipino, kindly hit "Google Translate" :)

I Just Need A Little Space

Okay, maybe what you were thinking was Neyo's song "Little Space". Yes, i am singing that song in my mind today..

Have yo ever felt of being a runaway person? Like you want to stay away from everybody? Like you want to be alone and find yourself? Maybe you need a little space.

That's what I awfully need right now. A space. The say, "even words need some space to be understood", maybe i need that too for me to be understood. I don't know what's gotten to me. I just feel to have some space from everybody. And when I say everybody, it means everybody. No exception.

But as I wrote this post, what I've realized is that I can't be away from my friends nor by my family. I need them. I need a hug. I need someone to make me understand the uncertainty of this world. Who am I to escape from this obstacle when everybody who loves me extend their hands just to comfort me? I guess their sympathy for me is not enough. What i need is to kill this insecurities that lingers on my mind right now.

SPACE.

Life Without a Computer.

I've been out for so long. Guess our computer wants me to think about what i am going to share on this blog of mine. Well, i've got every topic on my mind right now. I just don't know if its okay for me to post them.

In our generation, having your computer not working properly or your internet connection is interrupted by wrong connections is such a no-no. I usually work on my computer for hours, and not touching it make my life incomplete. i can't share what i feel, i can't express my words. This blog, my computer is like a bestfriend to me. Some one who listens.

My Best Friend's Love Affair

It's been a long time since i had my last post here in my blog. Well, i'm kinda busy. I just missed blogging and writing my thoughts, so here what comes to my mind.

Everybody has a best friend, a best buddy and somehow we call them our sister or brother. And as i remember one of my bestest friends, i came to writing about her. One of my bestfriend is Joanne. Joanne and I met in Rizal High School (a populated middle school in the Philippines) on our freshmen year. Because of the scotch tape, a strong friendship had started. Both of us were part of a clique called "famous", a clique that was destined to be forever.

Friends As We Know Them

F - ragile

R - hetorical

I - mportant

E - ntertaining

N - atural

D - etermined

S - teadfast

for my entire life, it has always been my friends next to God and my family whom i treasure the most. Seeing how we grew apart, realizing how far we were now, is the hardest thing. But knowing that lots of them stays with you throughout your life is nothing but a gift. What is on top, is the meaning of FRIEND to me. Six words to describe them is not enough.

You and Me, From a Distance

This poem was written by when after our enrollment day for senior year. I was with friends when i saw him, a person once became part of my life.

 

from the stair i was sitting
i saw you greeting my friends
one by one
you look at 'em
smiling, saying hi
i was eager to see you
but that moment
a pang of jealousy didn't occur
not even a bit of excitement
whew..
i think i moved on

You Make Me Smile

        As i look back on my past, i remembered writing this poem when i was on my junior year on college.. It is about my dream love for a man whom never been mine.. Some who had read this poem said they can relate on this so-called "love&sad" poem.

i caught myself smiling
without knowing why
i saw your name
next to mine
it feels so right
can you blame me?

A Frustrated Writer

Many of us are happy on where we are, what we are and who we are - just for now. But after a year or two, would you still be happy with your life? Still have the contentment you have? I guess not to the fullest.

I am on my twenties right now. Recently graduated from college that took up a degree on Computer Science. I am now working, with two years contract. I am earning, I am a degree holder, people shown some of my achievements. I thought, when I finished with my studies, life would be easier. If I get a job in an instant, money would not be my problem. I was so proud for not being an undergrad and unemployed. But, AM I HAPPY?

What do you think?

Half of me says, yes I am happy with my life right now. I am surrounded with many true friends, and they keep on going. People think I am smart. Worries about my looks is became a less issue. But at some point, something is missing on my life. What is it? My real dream.

When I was a kid, I was a bookworm. Until now I still am. I love reading. I love writing stories. That's why I am a frustrated writer. When I start a story, I just can't seem to finish it. I always lose the idea. I always blocked out.

I want to write a story about love, about broken promises, about successful lives and bountiful friendships. I want to be known as one of the leading and famous writer of my era. Maybe just like "Bob Ong", "Lisi Harrison" or "J.K. Rowling". It was a big dream. And i am losing my faith to become one.

When i was younger, I've never been a part of any group that has a connection writing. I do write short stories but for me it was nothing against the other's writings. But now, its not too late. Thanks for blogging. i am now starting my career. Though it is true that i really am a frustrated writer (because im no good), its worth a try. Right?

Its never too late for our dreams no matter how old we are. It depends on how ca think positively and believe on ourselves. Life is about taking risks, trying and learning thru mistakes. Lets all achieve our dreams before it is too late.

Hope you like my post. First try to write about being a FRUSTRATED WRITER, just like me.