How did I Moved On that Fast?

I’m not sure if I am capable of writing a little something about this issue. I don’t know where to start. But as promised to one of my closest guy friend, I will sum up everything I did for the past 5 months for me to fully recover from an unexpected break-up situation.

To be honest, I saw the “thing” coming. I felt that the relationship was soon to end. But still, I wasn’t that prepared. I thought I will end up cheating with my partner or fall in love with someone else as the reason for the break-up. But, it wasn't turned out that way.

Of course in every relationship, both can make a mistake. Both can have their own point of view. Mine was: I loved too much. I got jealous. End of the story.

I was too vulnerable to pain. I asked too much for attention. To be loved. To be appreciated. To be accepted. Failing a relationship which I thought was good and forever was a total pain. More to say, my pride was deeply hurt.

So, how did someone like me, a not-so-strong girl overcome this phase?

Hang out with Friends

Yes. Friends. My friends played a huge part on my moving-on situation. They've been there. Always there. They listened to my agonies, they gave me advised, and they stayed. They showed me that even when I failed with the wrong relationship, I will never be alone. Because they will always be there.

Travel as much as you can

March 2014 – Burot experience with my friends in the office. Everything started here. For me to help myself get back on the shape, I travel. Every month, whenever there is an invitation for an outing, get together, movie dates, mall hopping or any activities, as long as I am available, I join. I went to different places and tried new adventures.

Beer all the way!

They say that drinking beers won’t solve anything. When you’re sober, you’ll still get to remember everything. You can still feel the pain. But seriously, if there were no beers, I might never recover that fast. Haha. Drinking a bottle or two of beers, with the right people can really help.

Socialize with everybody

It’s not everyday that we meet new people. Being friendly is in my nature. I talk to everybody. During my moving on days, I tend to talk to different people aside from my friends. New people who doesn't know my story yet. Gladly, last March, our office expanded and more people got hired. I befriend some of them, I knew people from every account and I stayed nice. It did help.

Smile, have a crush, love again – there are many fishes in the ocean ;)

I think above everything else, what helped me the most is the idea that she’s not the only person in the world. I can still love and be loved. It’ll just take time. Also, someone did help me to move on (not that he knew any of this – he’s totally clueless). I focused my attention to him, gave anything that I can give, I was nice to him and so was he to me. As soon as I have totally moved on from my ex, my friendship with this guy has also ended.

Accept what needs to be accepted

It was a month or three after the break-up before I fully accepted the fact that we can never get back together. That the relationship has truly ended. It was hard to accept something like this but I HAD TO. I accepted the fact that I made a mistake but also opened my mind that not everything was my fault. I had to accept, though it hurt that she has found a new love. She fell out of love with me because she fell in love with someone else. I had to accept that some relationship won’t last.

Pray for the courage – talk to HIM

I may not look like a spiritual person but I do know how to pray. Actually, I didn't pray, I talked to God. I asked him to guide me, to help me get through this easily. I asked for the courage to leave everything behind for me to start the new chapter of my life. And from then, I believed that God has a better plan for me. He did put me on a better place.

There, I guess I've listed all. Here’s from me to you all: Shit happens and it’s OKAY.

He's Everything You Want, But Does He Want You?

And here we go again. You found him. The man of your dreams. The one you've been praying to God to come in your life. But, who is he looking at? Why is he kissing that girl's lips instead of your? What was that on his finger? Oh and once again, he can't be yours. He can never be yours. 

And I quote, “We fall in love with people we can't have”. Well this is true. You think you finally found him. He's everything you want. He's nice, kind, handsome, a joker, fun to be with, sweet, mature... everything. He's just everything. And you means nothing to him.

Remember the first time you saw him? You noticed him and ignored him at the same time. On your mind, he's just a nobody. But as the time passes by, you realized that he means something. He becomes the reason why you're so excited about your brand new day. And, until that day that you finally knew in your heart, he's everything that you've always wanted.

But does he want you? Does he even know you? Or look at you when you cross his way? You can never tell. But you have your moves. You asked about him – his name, relationship status, his likes, whatever that could help you to get close to him. You find ways to introduce yourself to him with a little help from your friends.

And now he gets to notice you. Small talks. Small conversations. Simple hellos and a call to your name. It was something that can always makes you smile.

And you know what's best? It is that curve in his face that always makes your world turns upside down – his smile. Even if this is for you or for others, his smile can erase all the burdens you have in your heart. His smile became your heartache's cure. He became an angel that helped you to find your way back to happiness.

But, is he aware about this? Does he even know? Well who cares? As long as he can make you happy and you're still on the right track. Nothing really matters but his smile. And you know for yourself that you will not do anything that is beyond your limit or his limitation.

So, there he goes, the man of your dreams. He's everything you want, but does he like you? No, he don't like you but liking him is enough. And this is going to be an open secret.

 

Surprises, Love and Reality

It is "ber" month yet I feel like talking about love. Yes L O V E. This is my favorite subject. As always.

When I was younger, I always thought that love could be something so special, something magical. I always thought that it will lead you to infinite happiness. No heartaches, no fights, no dull moments. A relationship bound with honest love, pure love and real love.

But as I grew up, the way I think about love has changed. It is not the same with how I read it my romance books nor understand on a love story. Love is about heartache. It is about sacrifices. It is about being strong for the relationship, for yourself and for your lover. Love can still be special - only when your partner feels the same way. Love can still be magical - let alone with the surprises of gestures and effort. And lastly, love can still lead you to infinite happiness - only when it is reciprocal.

Long Lost Love Part 3

I felt so relieved after that day that Ben and I met up. The next day, me and my boyfriend get to see each other. Gosh, sobra ko syang namiss! Gusto ko syang i-hug sa gitna ng kalsada! Good thing hindi kami PDA.

Me: Hi! I missed you so much! OA ba?

Miane: Oo! Last friday lang kaya tayo nagkita! haha!

Me: Arte mo! Buti nga na miss ka pa eh! Miss mo ko?

Miane: Hindi! Kaya nga ako nandito eh.

Me: Kelan ba ko makakakuha ng matinong sagot sayo?

We were always like that, my new found love, always kidding around. Got some stupid fights yet still manage to create good memories, happy ones and stupid too. :) What a love, right?

Long Lost Love Part 2

I can't still get over after the incident with Ben. It's not that I'm still in love with him, I just remember how I used to be when I was younger. So vulnerable, easy to get hurt and always listen to people's comment about me. But that was before. After almost six years, I have change..

Last October, I saw Ben, now its late April. I was seating on the bench on one of my favorite park. Thinking deep, i haven't noticed them man sitting beside me. He talked, nagulat ako..

Hi! Busy ka ba? Ang lalim naman ng iniisip mo..

I answered back without looking sa lalaking nagsalita, deep inside I know his voice.

Me:  Hindi naman ako busy, marami lang akong naiisip. I am missing this person whom I really love. i just hope we could really stay together despite of the hindrances in our relationship.

 Man: May boyfriend ka na?! Kelan pa?

Special Person in my Heart

Life is never really what we wanted it to be. But God gave us things we need and some precious gifts that we will always keep in our hearts.

God gave me this person whom I fell for. I love her. Yes a girl named Maybelle. We did fun, we had fun. We laughed at our silly jokes, fought over stupid conversations and slept with phone hung on our ears.  We were so different from each other. I am the emotional type with foolishness and she was the not-so-sweet type of person whom I always wanted her to be.

I am happy with her, a feeling I haven't felt for a long time. I feel secure with her, and I feel so special when she holds my hand. Fingers to fingers, so sweet as i remember.

We're DONE and its KILLING a part of me :(

So this is it? I never thought it'll end like this. I was never been a part of LGBT community, but now I am proud to admit to myself that I am one of them.

Remember this post: the only exception: Brielle? It was our story. This may look crazy. It may look like it wasn't me. But the hell I care. I love that person. So what if she's a lesbian.

Its just hard for i don't even try to make things work. I just gave up on us without considering her feelings. *sigh*

People's advice and opinion on this matter is really confusing. This makes me think when I can't even think straight. I thought that to love is to be happy. No other things to consider. As long as you are happy and you are not hurting other people. But in this life, there are some consideration. As a Christian, I can't really admit if this is a sin, i just know that our relationship was never right. 

But think about it, can we really have or do the right thing when it comes to love when everything seems to be right? It feels like fighting against the whole world. And though your friends are everywhere, comforting you like the old times, you can't really feel okay. 

Moving on is not a one night process, it'll take some time. I know that. But no matter what happen, and with this decision of mine of leaving you, please always remember that I am still here to be your friend. I will always love you. Let's just take some time till our wounds be healed. 

Unrequited Love

Unrequited Love.  A love that requires nothing. Just a hope. Hope for that person to love you back.

How hard could it be when that special someone can't love you back completely. When a doubt seems to be the only thing he/she believes in. 

Unrequited Love. Two words, just two words yet can be the only words to tell what you are, who you and how you became that "ONE".

I'm tired. Living with these words. Trying to be someone, pretending to be strong. I'm tired of being the weakest link. But what else can I do? When every time I think of doing changes in my life, i feel more tired.

Well, i guess this is just another sleepless night, while i will be lying on my bed, hugging tight Garfield and Babz with thoughts circling around my head. I can sense my head telling me to stop worrying, stop doubting. But I can't. Why? No assurance given, lack of trust to invest and more thrilling emotions to experience.

I am hoping for something. Unrequited Love - please be with me. :)

Who's Faking It??

 I've changed, i noticed that

With no reason, without a doubt

I don't know how, I can't tell why

Should i let it win?

Should i let it go?

What else can i do, it's all over my system?

I was so weak, I was in vain

then something came, i became so strong

i learned to hide, i learned to fake

Just to be brave when someone is in pain.

Long lost love?

Five long years. Five long years of not seeing him. I am still single and already 27 years old. I had suitors, but i just can't pick.

Matindi ang sikat ng araw. In October! Can you believe that? Ang panahon nga naman sa Pinas, napakagulo. Parang mga pusong ligaw, ang gulo-gulo. I was on my way papunta sa mall, galing akong work kaya naglalakad lang ako. Malapit lang naman kasi ang Ortigas sa SM Megamall eh.

Haba ng pila sa entrance. Ay! Mega sale nga pala kasi at payday pa. Buti pa sila! Taliwas kasi ang sahod namin sa mga sale's day. Pero may kaperahan pa naman ako kaya keri pa rin. I hate shopping alone. And worst, eating alone. Para kong loner talga na kakababa lang ng bundok. At least maganda ang outfit ko this day.

My Lolo and Lola's Unconditional Love

Me when I was a kid with my grandparents :)

Today, we are celebrating Grandparent's Day. And because of that, i decided to write something about them. I am not really that close to my family but we do a lot of things together, we do fun memories and though we are not as showy as others', i know we love each others.

Its hard for me to talk about my family because of the set-up i had to grew up with. The only thing I know is that I am my Lolo's favorite apo and my lola loves me so much, she has to do things for me without any demand.

I know they will not able to read this but i am hoping they can feel my silent love as a greatest love an apo can ever give to any grandparents (gosh, i feel like crying).

All my life I have been living with my lola, we call her Lola Piling. She was the kind of lola that is so strict when it comes to spending my days away from home, gala-gala or overnights (or only with me), sometimes she become bad-tempered and hates everybody on our house, she loves playing Bingo and God knows how kind she is. Too kind for her children to easily over-power her. I may not able to say it but i am proud to say that I am her granddaughter.