Life is a Mess: Crab Mentality

 This piece just came into my mind while i  was so disgusted with some events happening right now. I just want to speak it loud so i can let it go away then  let myself free..

Life is a Mess: Crab Mentality

Life is amess

you need to clean it by yourself

full of envious people everywhere

whom you thought was your family.

Cleanin' Out my Grandpa's Nest :)

This is what happens when November 1 is about to come. We visits the cemetery, cleans the place of our beloved someone who passed away and stays before November 2 arrives.

As for me, every year i always visit the place of my grandfather. I love him this much, that's why even in cleaning his place, i did it without thinking how tiring it would be. My grandparents have six children, 13 grandchildren. But knowing this family is going through some moments. Moments, events i can't explain.

Anyway, yesterday, me, my brother and sister along with my grandam went to the cemetery for an early cleaning. The place was so filthy with dust and dead leaves everywhere. I started cleaning the upper part which is the celing and my brother cleaned the side part of me.

See? We were so busy, we didn't even noticed that my younger sister is taking up some photos of us while cleaning. Can you believe a petite young lady like me can do this job for almost five hours? Tiring isn't it? im STROOOOONG!! :))

Before 25??

            Today, i attended a 75th birthday celebration of our neighborhood. I barely know the visitors for almost all of them were senior citizens. But while i was watching them taking photos, dancing with the birthday celebrant and sending her their love and appreciation, one thing came into my mind. Will me and my friends stay this close when i am 75 years old? Will my friends on high school be there on my 80th birthday? Or will my friends at present time still be there to tell me how much the appreciates my whole being when i am 85? Funny as i i let mys mind wander on a future that is so close into decades. But happy when i realized that maybe, just maybe, some of them will still be there.

Long lost love?

Five long years. Five long years of not seeing him. I am still single and already 27 years old. I had suitors, but i just can't pick.

Matindi ang sikat ng araw. In October! Can you believe that? Ang panahon nga naman sa Pinas, napakagulo. Parang mga pusong ligaw, ang gulo-gulo. I was on my way papunta sa mall, galing akong work kaya naglalakad lang ako. Malapit lang naman kasi ang Ortigas sa SM Megamall eh.

Haba ng pila sa entrance. Ay! Mega sale nga pala kasi at payday pa. Buti pa sila! Taliwas kasi ang sahod namin sa mga sale's day. Pero may kaperahan pa naman ako kaya keri pa rin. I hate shopping alone. And worst, eating alone. Para kong loner talga na kakababa lang ng bundok. At least maganda ang outfit ko this day.

So what if i am still SINGLE?

Twenty-one years. Twenty-one years and i am still single. Not a single month or year in my life that i spent with such "special someone". But i do know what is love. I know how it feels not to be loved, to be taken for granted or to be ditched by that person whom you truly loved.

Twenty-one years, Christmas is about to come and still i belong to a group we called "SMP", Samahan ng Malalamig ang Pasko. I don't know why everybody is so concerned about me being a single lady, it's unlikely that i am the only one in this world that is loveless. Well, yeah, somewhat its true. :)

I never had a boyfriend. And that is the truth. Before, i feel like something is wrong with me because there are no guys i've known that was into me. But as i grew up and become more matured, i began to understand everything. Being a single is being unique. Being a single is being strong. And being a single is fun.

Untitled

Times like this seems never to last
When every emotion to have is only confusion and being afraid
Afraid on what's going to happen next
Afraid that it might be the last.

Times like this, i always seem to panic
But i can't help it
this heart of mine is not strong enough
to bear this fear that lived in my soul
from the longest time i can't even tell when.

Since i was a little
this fear grew into huge pieces
Yet i can't yell,
yet i can't tell
its only I who knew this all along
that i am a scary little girl
with no hand to hold.

Now that i am a lady
smart enough to say things i wanna say
i can't still stand on my own
only fear comes along my way.

i don't know what to do
think of positivity is not worth trying for
negative things also fell back
with this life of mine
I don't know where  to go.