Saturday, May 3, 2014

Break-Up Depression as I Know It

I never thought that break-up would be this hard. On this day, 4th of May is the third month when that special someone broke up with me and left me due to reasons that I wouldn't want the whole world to know. All I know is, I made mistakes that even this so-called love couldn't be forgiven.

I was a jealous woman, well who wouldn't be? This is a part of every human being called “woman”. Even the most beautiful or successful woman in the world has their own insecurities. I've been fighting for that, afraid that I might lost that someone special – well in the end you know what happened.

With this experience, I can't help but think that I am the kind of person who can easily be forgotten, left out or never be missed. Of course, I know that it was an absurd thinking. This is not right. But for three months, though many friends have talking to me, provided me advices, books, good talks, positive ambiance – I can't seem to fight this stupid feelings. That I am worthless.

I am experiencing a strong feeling of depression. And as much as possible that I want to fight it, the more it grows stronger. As if it contains every emotions in the world except for happiness. This is the cruelty of life.

I want to be happy for my special someone. I can see that person is having fun in a way that nobody can see the pain that she'd been through with me. Which is hard for me as I can't seem to move forward. I am still in a place where she'd left me – broken, alone, pissed off. I keep on telling myself that everything is my fault.

Its been three months. Yes. And I tried new things just to lighten up my spirit. I tried to think differently. But she was like a dementor who keeps on taking away all the happiness I had gain for weeks.. for days.. for months.. I need a Patronus charm that can fight her. And that is myself.

As for today, I felt sad as I woke up. I don't know why. I guess, I missed her. I missed her a lot. But I shouldn't be affected. I should be strong and move on with my life. It was hard, but hey, I’m still breathing.

To those who have helped me and keep on helping me to fight on this stage of my life, to those who never got tired and stayed, to those who truly loved me and loves me.. I really am thankful for all of you. Without you guys, I might be watching you from afar.


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